Style Conversational Week 1097: If there were a Pulitzer Prize for horoscopes ...; The Empress of The Style Invitational discusses the week's new contest and results Washington Post Blogs November 6, 2014 Thursday 8:31 PM EST Copyright 2014 The Washington Post All Rights Reserved Length: 1401 words Byline: Pat Myers Body · "The first mission of a newspaper is to tell the truth as nearly as the truth may be ascertained." -The first in a list of "Seven Principles" written by Eugene Meyer, publisher of The Washington Post from 1933 to 1946 · Hyderabad, India: Hello Raju, Everyone in India know that your father, Innaiah does not believe in horoscopes and astrology.I found a horoscopes column in the Washington Post. Do you believe in horoscopes? Raju Narisetti: I don't. But a newspaper needs to serve a very broad audience and horoscopes are very, very popular among WP's readers. -From a 2009 online chat on washingtonpost.com with Raju Narisetti, then The Post's managing editor, the second-in-command in the newsroom: · "The horoscope in the April 23 Style section gave an incorrect date. It should have said April 23, not April 24." -Correction, Page A2, 2007 It's a weird, weird thing, running horoscopes -the epitome of pseudoscience -in a serious newspaper. And The Post didn't always run them on the comics pages, either; they used to run right inside the Style section alongside the news and arts reviews. I'm sure that some readers assumed that Sydney Omarr was a staff writer. And they have continued to run in Style on Sundays to this day, now in the Arts & Style section. Right next to that other testament to Eugene Meyer's mission of truth-telling. So it's fitting, I think, to help clarify their grand truths in this week's Style Invitational contest, Week 1097. I've done my best to accommodate those who don't subscribe to either the print or online Post by directing you to Astrology.com; the online Post uses the "detailed" horoscope from that site, but you may use the short form as well. The print Post uses a different horoscope, by Jacqueline Bigar of King Features Syndicate. If you happen to find the two horoscopes hilariously contradicting each other on the same day, let me know -I can mention that with the results. While I remembering having to read the horoscopes many years ago while working on the Style copy desk, I have absolutely no evidence that bored copy editors would occasionally rearrange the day's various predictions for the zodiac signs, just to tempt the Fates. And today I asked Gene Weingarten, editor of the Sunday Style section in the 1990s and early 2000s, whether he ever tinkered with the text of horoscopes, perhaps at the request of the Czar of The Style Invitational. He said that he couldn't imagine having done that, although he did argue both in house and publicly that The Post should not be running horoscopes at all. Invitational discusses the week's new contest and re.... Does any scholar of the early years of The Style Invitational have any evidence to contradict this -a Loser-penned horoscope that appeared outside the Invite itself? If so, let me know. The Invitational did have fun with horoscopes in at least one previous contest: In Week 68, the Czar asked readers to name a new zodiac sign and write one day's horoscope for it. The ink: Fifth Runner-Up: TUCHUS: You'll get a little behind in your schedule today. (Kathy Weisse, Sykesville, Md.)Fourth Runner-Up: LIBRIUM: You will have a terrible day, but you won't care. (Linda Shevitz, Greenbelt)Third Runner-Up: OREO: You may feel yourself pulled apart today. (Lyell Rodieck, Washington)Second Runner-Up: TSURIS: Better you should stay home. (Stu Segal, Vienna)First Runner-Up: FECES: Watch your step. Avoid electric fans. (Jean C. Clancy, Fairfax; Joe Sisk, Arlington) And the winner of the painting of the "Abbey Road" cover featuring Bogie and Dean and Marilyn and Elvis: TEDIUS: You will wake up. You will stretch your left arm. You will stretch your right arm. You will yawn. You will stretch your left leg. You will rub your right eye. You will yawn again. You will . . . (Christie Houser, Alexandria) Honorable Mentions CUOMO: Do not make a decision today. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)LEONA: Everybody hates you. (Joseph Romm, Washington)ENIGMA: Spend Sunday as if it were Thursday. Monday finds you wishing it were Wednesday. Avoid non-sequential weasels. (Bev Wiedeman, Manassas)HYPOCHONDRIA: You have cancer today. You will have pimples tomorrow. (Kate Weizel, Bowie)ENNUI: Today will be so, oh I don't know, dissatisfying. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington; also, Dawn-Michele Gould, Germantown)HILARIUS: Today you have to screw in a light bulb. Be original. (Bill Harvey, Alexandria)TAURIST: You are going to visit new places, meet new people and pay 20 bucks for a seven-block cab ride. (Jon Patrick Smith, Washington)ARSENIO: You are past your prime. (Larry Gordon, Potomac)ZEBRA: It's not a good day to be with a Leo. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)CAPRIATI: Stay off the grass. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring; Chris Rooney, Blacksburg, Va.; Gordon A. Janis, Washington)HERPES: Avoid flare-ups with loved ones. (Larry Cynkin, Kensington; Annie Wauters, Washington; Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)GIGOLO: Stay away from Virgos. (Dave Ferry, Leesburg)JIMINY: Stay on the straight and narrow! Don't steal, cheat or lie! (Eric Chang, Silver Spring)THESAURUS: Find new ways to express yourself. (David Siltman, Gaithersburg)ZEPPO: Your siblings may garner more attention than you. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt; Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)BIMINI: Avoid photographers. (Joseph Romm, Washington) Inkless alternative-headline entry by Gary Crockett What I kept encountering while judging Week 1093 -imaginative ways for businesses to squeeze yet another buck from us -were ideas that, while not actually in use (maybe), weren't so far from the realm of possibility that they'd be funny; they'd just be irritating. A charge at the supermarket for letting you type in your phone number rather than using your store card. A charge for extra condiments at the ballpark. There was one intriguing idea, sent by two people, that I wasn't sure had happened yet, but seems entirely plausible to me: A very upscale jewelry store charges $25 admission just to look around; it's credited back if a shopper actually buys an item. This idea actually doesn't sound like a bad business plan to me: It probably wouldn't deter the insanely rich shoppers whom the jeweler or Ferrari dealer is courting; in fact, they might prefer a shop where fanny-packed hoi polloi would be unlikely to brush shoulders with them. We had room for lots of entries on the page this weekend; all of today's inking entries are also in print. And perhaps the biggest news is that Frank Osen -whose six-week streak of "above-the-fold" ink I marveled at last Thursday when he snagged his second straight Inkin' Memorial -not only fails to reach the Losers' Circle, but gets no ink at all. I believe the last time Frank went inkless was July 3, with no entries in the results of Week 1075. In other words, Frank just broke an 18-week Losing streak. Perhaps his decision to leave his job and family to concentrate on writing Style Invitational entries wasn't the best strategy after all. (He did have several entries on my short-list this week.) Invitational discusses the week's new contest and re.... So, Frankless, my dear, we appropriately give this week's Inkin' Memorial to Gordon Cobb of Atlanta -Cobb County, in fact. I remember Gordon because he once wrote to the Empress to lament that she was obviously never going to like anything he sent in, and was giving up. I'm glad that Gordon (Loser Anagram: Corn Dog Bob) renewed his faith that I would smarten up one of these days, and indeed, this first win is his third above-the-fold ink out of four total! Meanwhile, the promising rookie Todd DeLap successfully counted on the Redskins to continue to undistinguish themselves during the three weeks between contest deadline and results. Todd had a terrific day, with three blots of ink - including his first above the fold - to reach 22 in all since Week 1039. The two other runners-up are, to understate the case, non-rookies: Roy Ashley picks up Blot 323 since his first ink in the famous Week 120 "bad analogies" contest of 1995, while Gary Crockett gets his 212th notch in the bad-Post. The Loser Community moseys up Rockville Pike for its next gathering, an annual brunch at the Mosaic Cafe, famed for its waffles. I won't be able to make that one, so someone save me a waffle with roasted apples. You can mail it to me. The brunch is at noon on Sunday, Nov. 16 - RSVP to Elden Carnahan here.